Quote of the Day by Uncle C

After yet another stay in the hospital, Uncle C’s doctor informed my husband that short of a heart/lung transplant (which they would never perform on a 94 year old), Uncle C’s condition will only worsen. Uncle C has congestive heart failure and COPD. Uncle C, of course, doesn’t believe there’s a thing wrong with his heart or lungs. In fact, he continues to tell people that he has the heart of a 17 year old and only has the pacemaker for back-up.

After hubby had a heart-to-heart talk with Uncle C this week regarding his condition, Uncle C responded with, “Well, Dr. M doesn’t think I have much time left so we better hurry and get my driver’s license back!”

You gotta love him!

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I Think He’s Here To Stay

I keep waiting for Uncle C to move into the house we own across the street from us.  My daughter is now living there with her 4-year-old daughter and they are waiting for him.  Part of the deal with her living there is that she is to be his night-time caregiver.  It will be a big job, but she is okay with it.  She is loving and patient with him.  It’s a great deal all the way around.  We are happy to have her and our only grandchild so close, Uncle C will have a nice, safe place he can call home and we get our privacy back.  We have filled the house with furniture, pictures and lovely items that we brought over from Houston so it can feel like home.

We have had difficulty finding a night-time caregiver that we felt comfortable with.   I kept trying, but honestly my husband was resisting.  He was afraid of someone taking advantage of an elderly man.  Believe it or not, it does happen – often.  The one woman who appeared to be perfect as she was a retired registered nurse, had recently moved to our area so was looking for some place to live and was willing to be a full-time caregiver didn’t work out.  She sat with him twice in one weekend and by the Sunday he was ready to marry her.   Uh, no.  Not sure what went on there, but that scared us.

Whenever the subject of moving comes up Uncle C responds with, “I think I’ll be strong enough by the middle of March,” – well, March has come and gone or “I think in a couple of weeks I’ll be strong enough and will have my license back by then so will be ready to go.”  The latest stall tactic is his toe.   Working in the garden together the Saturday before Easter, my husband told me that Uncle C would be moving the next weekend.  Hubby kept assuring me that Uncle C was ready.  To say I was skeptical is an understatement.  As I walked back into the house Uncle C met me in the kitchen saying that as he was walking down the hall he heard a crack and now his toe was hurting.   He finished it with, “I thought I’d be in the other house by next weekend, but I guess not now.  When the wheels starting coming off they really come off.”  Uncle C had my hubby take him to a walk in clinic on Easter Sunday morning, telling the doctor that he thought he had gout.  (Silly me, I put that thought in his head).  He was given a shot of cortisone, more pain meds and sent home.

Now his toe injury has encompassed his entire foot.  He never complains to me about it, he’s never mentioned it to the caregiver, only to my hubby.  He insisted on seeing another doctor this week for his foot.  Uncle C started with the same story he told me, walking down the hall, heard a crack, only now the toe has become the entire foot.  X-rays were done, nothing has become of it, but Uncle C walked out a happy man with another prescription for his pain meds (which we have not filled).  I finally told my hubby to just tell Uncle C that he doesn’t have to move and maybe he’ll quit making us take him to all these darn doctors!

He just keeps stringing my husband and daughter along with “I think I’m almost ready to move,” and they keep falling for it.  Me, not so much.  Just yesterday he spoke to my daughter about moving.  Now he’s just waiting for the handicap rail to be put in the tub.  Well, that’s easy enough.  We’ll get that done this weekend and see what happens next.

For now, I’ve resigned myself to having him in my home “till death do us part,” and he thinks he can live to a hundred.  I guess I’ll be blogging a lot between now and then!

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On the Word of a 93-Year-Old

I received a phone call from the Home Health nurse saying that Uncle C was being released as a patient.  “Why?” I inquired.  “Who are you”? was the response.  Okay, well she is calling my house at 6:30 in the evening, pretty sure I’m the person he lives with.  “He lives with me and my husband.  We both have Power of Attorney.  So why is he being released?” I asked again.  Her response, “He said he doesn’t need us anymore.”  We weren’t aware of that.   I asked our caregiver about it this morning and she confirmed that he had been released and that when the Home Health nurse asked if he still needed them he said no.  They then asked him the basic questions – can you bathe yourself?  No.  Can you dress yourself?  No.  Can you get all of your medications together yourself?  No.  Can you get yourself to your doctor’s appointments?  No.  Do you take your medication as prescribed?  No.  Why?  Because he doesn’t want to pee all the time so he only takes the fluid pill when he can’t breathe anymore.  And they’re taking the word of a 93-year-old without even talking to us about it.  So you, Mr. Taxpayer, can thank the Home Health company for saving you money since it was paid for by Medicare.  Honestly, they just didn’t do that much anyway.

On the other hand, if everyone takes the word of Uncle C he will soon have his driver’s license back.  Yes, it’s true, he is still talking about getting his driver’s license back.  He had hubby schedule him another appointment with the eye doctor for next week.  He thinks because he has been massaging his eye sockets and taking I-Caps that his eyes are getting better and if the doctor “just tweaks my glasses a bit” he’ll be able to pass the eye test at the DMV.   Well miracles do happen.  (Start praying now that he doesn’t pass!)  My husband doesn’t want to break his spirit so won’t say, “Look, Uncle C, you’re never gonna drive again.  It’s not safe.  Even if you can pass the eye test would you be able to fold up your walker, put it in the trunk alone and get yourself in the car?  Would you be able to stop in time if a child runs out into the street?”  

Legally the DMV cannot deny him a driver’s license just because he’s 93 years old and is now shaped like a C.  That would be age discrimination.  Is there no common sense left in the world?  Nobody wants to be told that they cannot drive any longer because they’re just too old, but there is a safety issue here.  My father-in-law still drives yet he cannot get out of a chair without help and shuffles with a walker, feet never leaving the ground, just to walk.  Is that safe?  Yet no one wants to say, hey buddy, you just need to let it go.  (Sorry about the rant)

 I really thought we were finished with that driver’s license issue with him, but apparently not.  He wants to have his license back before moving out of our home into the house across the street with my daughter who is now living there and ready to be his caregiver.  The way it is looking I’m pretty sure he’ll be with us forever.

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Disaster Averted, Whew!

Well, Uncle C did not pass the eye exam at the DMV.  The state employee promptly handed him two forms and told him that if he could get his ophthalmologist and his physician to sign that his health and sight were adequate to drive then he could get his driver’s license renewed.  “No hurry,” she said.  He took it surprisingly well.  I think it was a relief to get it behind him even though he only left the DMV with a state id.  Uncle C later told me he could see the letters, but couldn’t really read any of them and he thought it was because of the medicine he was taking.  “Which one?” I asked.  He’s on lots.  “The Vicodin, I noticed that it makes my eyes do funny things when I take it.”  he replied.  Uncle C loves his Vicodin.  He has been taking it for years.  I’m pretty sure he’s addicted, but who’s gonna tell a 93-year-old he can’t have his pain meds.  I suggested to him that I thought a person was not supposed to drive while taking Vicodin and his response was, “Oh, they say that, but I’ve been driving on it for years.”  Scary huh?  A 93-year-old man driving while taking hydrocodone.  He still talks about getting the doctors to sign the forms, but that’s all it’s been so far, just talk.  He hasn’t tried to pursue it or have us call any doctors.  I think just knowing there is “no hurry” as the DMV employee suggested is comforting to him.  It makes him feel like there’s still a chance.  But at least for now I have quit stressing about the driver’s license issue.  Yea!

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How Old Is Too Old To Drive?

Uncle C has a birthday this week.  He will be 93.  His main topic of conversation for the past two weeks is getting his driver’s license renewed as it is expiring on his birthday.  His biggest concern is passing the eye exam.  In our state there are no requirements for getting your driver’s license renewed other than passing the eye exam.  He shows no concern for the fact that he cannot care for himself – cannot bathe himself, prepare his own meals, get his own medication or walk without his three-wheeled walker.   He also cannot get himself in or out of a vehicle without assistance.  If my husband and I are not home a sitter stays with him and tends to his needs.  But, for some reason, he thinks he can still drive.  Uncle C just keeps saying, “What the hell am I gonna do if I can’t get my driver’s license?  I’ll probably drive anyway.”   Not my car you won’t!  Ever since things sort of went crazy with my mom there has been only one time that she wanted to drive.  I suggested that dad hide the keys and he did.  She never asked again.  I think she simply forgot about driving.  That was easy.  My mom’s sister who is 87 decided that she should no longer drive because it was no longer safe for her to get behind the wheel.  That was easy.  But Uncle C insists on having his license renewed. 

A year ago Uncle C had a detached retina and still sees a grey bar across one eye.  His vision isn’t much better in the other.  The last eye doctor that we took him to told him that he may be able to pass because “in Louisiana you only need one good eye.”  What??  You really tell people that?  Apparently he has also been told by “3 different doctors” that if he doesn’t pass the test he can ask for a form and they will sign it saying he has one good eye and he will be able to get his license.   Are you kidding??  I realize that no one wants to dash his hopes and maybe that’s what’s keeping him going, but let’s be practical.  At what point do you very gently suggest that maybe it’s no longer safe for someone to drive.  Really, this is not a hypothetical question.   I really need some feedback here.  I’ve already told my husband that I would not take Uncle C to the DMV.  My husband has agreed to do it.  But what happens if he actually passes?  Uncle C has dreams of driving himself to Colorado this summer for a vacation in his VW camper.  I don’t want to tell him that probably won’t happen but …damn!  I also don’t want to break his spirit, he doesn’t have a lot to live for these days.  But I can’t sit back and watch him get behind the wheel of a car and possibly kill someone.  I’m really not sure how to handle this. I guess about all I can do for now is just pray that he doesn’t pass the eye test and the State of Louisiana is wise enough to refuse to renew his license.  We’ll soon see, my husband is taking him today.

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