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Archive for June, 2013

Dad was restless and unable to sleep so was up watching tv in the living room when the phone rang at two in the morning.  “Mr. L, this is Lifeline.  Your wife needs some assistance.  She said you were asleep in the other room with the twins.”  Twins??  What twins? As far as I know we don’t have any twins in our entire family.  

Dad rushed to the back of the house where he found mom.  Her colostomy had a “blow out” as dad calls it and mom was in the bathroom patiently awaiting dad’s help.  “Are the  twins still sleeping?” Mom asked.  Hesitating briefly dad responded, “Yes they are.”

Dad has grown so much on this journey through dementia with mom.  It certainly has not been easy for him.  It hasn’t been easy for any of us.  Acceptance has been the hardest part.  I think dad has finally accepted that there will be twins, there will be Martians on the roof and there will be dogs named Princess, even if they only exist in mom’s mind.  He has learned many things, but the most important thing he is learning is patience.  

And the most important lesson I am learning is that love and patience will get you through anything.

I love you mom and dad. You are my inspiration.
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Mom’s cancer is back.  Well let me rephrase that – it apparently has been there all along, just not big enough to be detected.  It’s now in her lungs. Her oncologists said that he is sure that it was there when she struggled through the colon cancer and treatment two years ago.

The good news is that it took two years to show up on blood tests and the PET scan.  The bad news is that it is in the lungs – never a good thing.  There are two spots in her right lung and one in her left.  Her doctor described them as small spots, the largest about the size of a nickel.  I don’t know much about lung cancer, but that doesn’t sound terribly small.  Pea size is small, an ant size is small – a nickel, not so much.

I suspected that they may find some type of cancer in mom since three blood tests came back with elevated levels in the cancer detecting test. Still, the diagnosis of cancer in the lungs took my breath away.

When we saw her geriatric internist a few days later and told her about the cancer, Dr. L asked mom what she thought of it. Mom simply shrugged her shoulders. Dr. L then asked mom if she was worried about it and mom replied, “No.” With a little chuckle Dr. L said, “We’ll if she’s not worried about it I guess you shouldn’t be either.” That’s great in theory, but in reality mom doesn’t really understand what it means to have lung cancer. We do. Actually, I’m pretty sure that ten minutes after she was asked the question, she didn’t even remember the conversation. She was too focused on the trip to the casino in Biloxi dad promised her. They left for Biloxi from Dr. L’s office.

Mom’s oncologist knows mom’s history. He knows about the two hip replacements, the diabetes, the colon cancer, and he knows about the dementia. He also recognizes that she will never understand what is happening to her if they should put her through radiation and chemotherapy again. It was brutal last time. For now he recommends that we take the wait and see approach, do another scan in two months and see if there is any change. If the cancer is growing quickly rather than at the slower pace that he anticipates, we will have to make some very difficult decisions.

For now all I can do is pray – pray for mom, pray for dad and pray for the strength to make the right decision when that time comes.

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Tomorrow is mom’s birthday. She will be 80 years old. Mom and dad have wanted to take my daughter and granddaughter to the beignet shop for months, but since my granddaughter becomes this little sugar monster after eating too many sweets, my daughter has avoided the trip. But today in celebration of mom’s birthday she finally agreed.

All the way to the restaurant my granddaughter kept asking mom how old she was going to be. Initially mom just acted like she didn’t hear the question, but later she answered with, “Ladies don’t tell their age.”

The staff at the beignet shop know my parents well – they go there several times a week. So when the waitresses heard about mom’s birthday, they brought out a beignet with a candle in it and everyone sang. Mom happily sang along.

After the celebration a woman approached mom, wishing her a happy birthday and telling her, “My husband is deceased now, but his birthday is tomorrow too. He would have been 80.” Mom replied, “Oh, I’m not that old!”

I think mom still believes she’s 65. Hum, I think I may still be 25! 🙂

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